Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
