I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
