Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
