At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
