I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
