I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
