I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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