Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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