Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me they were just razor bumps!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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