whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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