Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize