Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
