she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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