i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize