I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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