What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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