WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
