oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
