Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
