marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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