I will die if light touches me.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
