I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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