I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
