I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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