Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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