I think my fart just growled at me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
