So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
