Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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