What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
