The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
