What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
