I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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