Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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