last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
