We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
