So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
