kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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