i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
