Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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