HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
