What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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