I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
