when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ttyl tear gas
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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