'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
COCAINE IS GR8
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
