Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
