He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
