she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
