I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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