So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize