Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Where is the hickey?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
