I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my sisters under your porch take her home
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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