I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
