I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
