i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
