I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I smell stomach acid.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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