It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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