Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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