Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
