if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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