it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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