My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's always time for handjobs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
