**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I didn't notice because vodka
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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