I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
