You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
