Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
