he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
