I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This show inspires me to have sex in space
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
