i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need water and some morals
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
