I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
