I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
