are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
