I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
