also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
