you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
