I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
