Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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