Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
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Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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