Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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